1 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:36,650 If that's another fucking Lithuanian living in my roof... 2 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,810 Honestly! 3 00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:46,330 You lot love attics! 4 00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:49,490 Kip in the barn and piss in the field. 5 00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:52,090 It'll be a lot easier! 6 00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:54,530 (MUSIC BUILDS) 7 00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:58,090 (SCURRYING AND SQUEAKING) 8 00:00:58,130 --> 00:01:00,050 (FRANTIC SQUEAKING) 9 00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:03,850 (MENACING SQUEAK) 10 00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:06,330 Aaaaaaaargh! 11 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,610 ♪ THE BEATLES: Money (That's What I Want) 12 00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:19,370 (SIGHS) Fucking hell! Who's died, then? 13 00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:23,170 Oh, the Millers. They were in a cult. 14 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,650 You might have read about it. Dead messy! 15 00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:28,370 But at least now they're with their Alien Overlord, 16 00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:30,690 or whatever the fuck they thought would happen 17 00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:33,810 when they blasted each other's brains out. RIP. 18 00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:38,410 You're er... quite weird, you, aren't you? 19 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:42,090 Oh, thanks (!) 'Ey, if you ever wanna come over 20 00:01:42,130 --> 00:01:45,450 and try your hand at embalming, just er... give us a bell. 21 00:01:45,490 --> 00:01:49,050 (Be nice to hang out.) 22 00:01:49,090 --> 00:01:51,490 Might do. 23 00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:54,490 Fucking hell! I'm not ten. Jesus Christ! 24 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:57,106 Do you know what I mean... Did you do some sexy flirting up there? 25 00:01:57,130 --> 00:02:00,250 No. Fuck off. I thought we were here to sort my loft out! 26 00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:03,170 We are! Are you sure it's Cardi's fucking fault? 27 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,370 Vinnie, the rats have made a nest 28 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,970 out of pizza boxes, which didn't come from me, 29 00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:10,690 cos I don't eat -Foreign food. - Foreign fucking food! All right. 30 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:14,970 All right. There's too many for traps, and poison - no chance. 31 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,410 My sheep might eat it. 32 00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:19,410 Why would your sheep eat poison 33 00:02:19,450 --> 00:02:23,250 in a fucking loft in a barn? Have you seen them goats that can climb mountains? 34 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:26,170 Er... Well, what's to stop a fucking sheep 35 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:28,970 going up a ladder? I couldn't help overhearing 36 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,450 that you've got a bad case of the Rattus Rattus. 37 00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,650 (SILENCE) (It's Latin for rat.) 38 00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,690 Given the scale of the problem, right, 39 00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:39,210 there's only one man you can trust who can fix this. 40 00:02:40,170 --> 00:02:43,850 (Unfortunately... he's a bit of a twat.) 41 00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:46,770 (VINNIE GROANS) Fucking Rat Catcher? 42 00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:48,850 But you lads... 43 00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:51,890 ..can call me Curtis. 44 00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:55,010 Hey, fuck me, you never said it were Curtis Plum! 45 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:58,250 Curtis Plum the DJ? That's right, yeah.Ex-DJ. 46 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,890 Oh... I binned that hedonistic lifestyle 15 years ago. 47 00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:04,290 I heard you had a breakdown. I had a fucking epiphany! 48 00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,570 (His bird shacked up with another bloke 49 00:03:06,610 --> 00:03:09,890 (and he smashed up a Londis with a cricket bat.) 50 00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:12,290 I donated my decks to UNICEF 51 00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:15,370 and realised what my true calling in life was. Killing rats? 52 00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,130 Amen. How much do you want 53 00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:19,450 for fuckin' murdering a ton of 'em in his loft? 54 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,050 I don't work for money. 55 00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:24,970 Well, neither do we, most of the fucking time, do we?(CHUCKLES) 56 00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:28,010 What do you want? I want my old manager Mickey's ashes. 57 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,370 In his wife's house, in the lounge, in an urn. 58 00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:34,770 Here's the address. 59 00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:38,130 Charming (!) 'Ere, don't lose it. 60 00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:40,050 Once they're in my possession, 61 00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:42,210 I'll get rid of your rats. How about that for a deal? 62 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:45,250 All right. We're gonna have to hurry up on this, Vin. 63 00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:48,490 If the council get wind of this, I'm fucked. 64 00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:52,570 All right. I'm already on a Section 1026 notice.Sound. 65 00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:55,930 Cunts! It should've been a Section 1045, if anything... 66 00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,770 All right, now. ..or a Section 1022. 67 00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:02,290 I did have a Section 1009 once - Stop!- but that got overturned. 68 00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:05,530 Shut the fucking... Stop saying numbers at me! Dickhead. 69 00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,730 I'm gonna send our Ashley round to scope out the scene. 70 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:12,410 If it's clear, we'll get that shit for you tonight. Get gone. Go on.OK. 71 00:04:12,450 --> 00:04:14,290 Buzzin'! 72 00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:17,850 So I googled the wife, right? Her name is Gina Mead. 73 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,290 She was in a girl band in the '80s called Pink Ordeal 74 00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:23,090 and has been on Top Of The Pops not once, not twice, 75 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,890 but, would you believe it, three times. Shut the fuck up. 76 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,930 Listen to me. We're robbing her fucking house, 77 00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:30,370 not writing her autobiography, are we? Biography. Eh? 78 00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:33,610 It'd be "biography". If we were writing it, it'd be a biography. 79 00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:37,570 "Auto" means "oneself". Like "autofellate" - to nosh yourself off. 80 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,690 Can you do that? If I've been keeping up my Pilates, then yes. 81 00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:44,810 I fucking... I swear to God, I'm gonna autofellate the lot of you, if you keep wittering on. 82 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,010 You're getting on my tits. Good evening, fellas. 83 00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:49,250 Shit. Big fella, short fella, 84 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,970 chubby fella 85 00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,730 and one with a hideous neck tattoo. 86 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:56,890 All right, weird... egg with a moustache (!) 87 00:04:56,930 --> 00:05:00,250 I can have you for that - offensive language. You fucking started it! 88 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:03,730 I was just letting you know that I've clocked you... up here, 89 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:07,530 in the old grey jotter! 90 00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,370 Fuck me... All fine. Carry on. 91 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,450 Bye, then. Officer. 92 00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:13,650 Turd... Fucking hell. 93 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:17,130 (INDISTINCT MUMBLING) What an idiot. Fucking idiot... 94 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:19,570 I can't find me fucking eye hole! 95 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:23,610 (METALLIC CLANG) Shit! You fucking lemon. Don't drop it, you dick! 96 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,010 (OK, we're clear.) Just walk round. 97 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:31,210 You can just walk round, like this. Oh, bollocks. 98 00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:34,170 Right, come on. 99 00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,010 Take 'em off. What? Take the ballies off. 100 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:39,610 We look cool, though. Shh, quiet. She might be inside. 101 00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:42,130 (CLATTER) Jesus... Crap! 102 00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,810 What the fuck? (LOW GROWL) 103 00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:48,450 You said there weren't any dogs here, Ashley. That's not a dog. 104 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,810 It's a meerkat, or something. 105 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,370 Looks like a wig. It's a fucking dog. Get it before it barks. 106 00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:55,970 God, dude, it's a mutant. 107 00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:58,210 (DOG WHINES) Hiya. His name's Tommo. 108 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:00,050 Look at his tag. What? 109 00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,050 It's called fucking Little Tommo, in't it? 110 00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:04,650 Get in the fucking house. 111 00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:09,050 Ah, bingo. What are you doing? Let me go, dude. 112 00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:11,610 Me first, you fucking lemon. Shh! 113 00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,850 (LITTLE TOMMO WHINES) Oh, fuck. 114 00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:16,290 There's four of them! 115 00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,890 Shit, which one's Mickey's, then? Put that fucking dog down. 116 00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:21,530 (READS) My beloved spouse. Love of my life. Darling husband. 117 00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:24,450 I've got no fucking idea.Shit. Fuck it, let's just take any of 'em. 118 00:06:24,490 --> 00:06:26,810 (FIERCE YELL) 119 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:29,890 Whoa! Fuckin' hell! You picked the wrong house this time! 120 00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:33,330 What are you doing? Go and fight her! Yaaa! 121 00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:36,610 (CRIES OUT) Ow! Fuck me...(BATTLE CRY) 122 00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,810 Bloody hell! 123 00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,850 (FRENZIED YELLING) 124 00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:43,410 ♪ DICK DALE: Misirlou 125 00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:49,650 Argh! Fuckin' hell! She bit me, lads. Ow! 126 00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:50,930 Oh... 127 00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:53,210 Aaargh! (THUD) We're just here 128 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,930 for the urn that has Mickey in it. 129 00:06:55,970 --> 00:06:57,810 You what? Who sent you? 130 00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,610 Eh? It wasn't Curtis Plum, was it? 131 00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:04,570 No, it weren't. No. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna smash 'em all! 132 00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,930 I'll punch your dog! You wouldn't. Oh! 133 00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,370 Go! Go in that van! 134 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:12,770 (COMMOTION) 135 00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:16,250 Curtis Plum's a fucking liar! 136 00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:20,170 Tell him I hope he gets leprosy of the arsehole! 137 00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:22,570 I swear, I thought she was gonna smash that fucking - Whoa! 138 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,570 Oof! Er... 139 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,410 Fuck, dude! I think I broke my nose again. 140 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,250 It's too big, Dad. It's not too big.. 141 00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,610 There you go. All right.Aww... (CHUCKLES) 142 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:47,630 Thanks for the bike, Vin. Oh, you're all right. I haven't nicked it off a kid. 143 00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:50,390 (CHUCKLES) 144 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,470 How's therapy going? It's good. 145 00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,510 Yeah? Yeah, it's all right. 146 00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:57,710 Do you feel like it's helping? I don't know. 147 00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,230 I don't know. 148 00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:02,270 Yeah, it must be. Yeah. 149 00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:07,950 (BIRDSONG) 150 00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:09,990 What's going on between us, Vin? 151 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,630 How do you mean? 152 00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:17,190 Oh, come on. You know what I mean. 153 00:08:22,430 --> 00:08:24,670 (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) Erm... 154 00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:29,350 Fucking hell, that seat's too high up. It's fine. 155 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:32,390 It's not, cos if he falls off... (TUTS) He won't fall off. 156 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:36,270 Just leave it. Just let me have a fiddle with it. Vin? I'll come back in a sec. 157 00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:39,030 Come here to me. Show me a wheelie. 158 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,430 (SIGHS) 159 00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:44,470 ♪ SUPERTRAMP: Goodbye Stranger 160 00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:51,790 I can't believe you sent this Curtis Plum guy your grandmother's ring! 161 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:54,750 Ah, I was 14 years old. It's not like I did it last week. 162 00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:59,030 Yeah, but why? Oh, everybody knew him and wanted him... 163 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:02,030 ..wanted to feel his body pressed up against theirs 164 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:05,110 in a night of explosive passion! Rumour had it... 165 00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,390 ..that he was a big lad... (TUTS) Oh! 166 00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:11,110 ..and that he could ride you till sunrise 167 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:14,070 and still have enough left in the tank 168 00:09:14,110 --> 00:09:17,470 to smash the gee out of you and your best friend... Oh, God! 169 00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:20,870 ..after a light breakfast. (CACKLES) 170 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:23,390 You know? (CAR HORN HONKS) 171 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,910 All right! 172 00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:27,470 Peep, peep, motherfucker! 173 00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:31,190 Someone's told me that you wanna meet a decrepit old DJ. 174 00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:33,230 CAROL: I'm getting the ring back. 175 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:38,430 (KNOCKS AT DOOR) Fucking hell, here we go. 176 00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,550 Oh, God... 177 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:45,230 Fellas! Mm. Ladies... 178 00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:48,470 Are we sorted, or what? Did you get 'em? Been a bit of a mishap. 179 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:50,190 Mishap, how? 180 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,230 (MUMBLES) 181 00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:55,750 Per-fucking-fecto. 182 00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:58,070 You happy? Mm. Fabulous! 183 00:09:58,110 --> 00:10:01,470 See? Do you fancy coming in for a brew, or what? 184 00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,870 Oh, yes, we would! I can't... Can of worms, love. 185 00:10:03,910 --> 00:10:06,750 Fuck... Come on, then, Sugar. (MOUTHS)Is that cheese in there? 186 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,790 Yeah, and pickle (!) Dude, it is a shit hole 187 00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:13,310 in here. What's the deal? Come in, come in. We'll look around 188 00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:16,070 as soon as he fuckin' fucks off. 189 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:19,670 You just moved in, Curtis? Well, yeah, sort of, 190 00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:22,390 but it was about 2015... (GASPS) 191 00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:25,110 ..just after my Auntie Moira died. Yeah. 192 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:26,390 She used to like things neat. 193 00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:29,390 Actually, guys, can you just give me a minute? 194 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:32,350 I'm just gonna have a little... tidy-up. Yeah, yeah. 195 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:35,710 You do that. Thanks for having us. (Let's start over there.) 196 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:39,870 (What the fuck?)Jesus, lads, this place is like a murderer lives here. 197 00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,950 Hey! I swear to God. Keep your fucking voice down. 198 00:10:41,990 --> 00:10:44,190 (CHUCKLES) He's not a murderer. 199 00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,630 He's an oddly topless, sensual DJ. 200 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:50,630 Vincent, he's got hooks on the fucking ceiling and he kills rats. 201 00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:54,110 Serial-killer shit, in't it? Yeah, and he never wears a top. 202 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,670 Jeffrey Dahmer never wore a top. Yes, he did. 203 00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:58,430 Fred West wore tops. Ted Bundy wore tops. 204 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,670 I've got a Ted Bundy top. You've got a Ted BAKER top. 205 00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:04,390 Stop talking about what serial killers wore bloody tops! 206 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,950 He's a fucking DJ - that's it. He's a nice fella. He's sensitive. 207 00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,470 He's a DJ - right, 208 00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,030 cos they're all nice lads, them (!) 209 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,870 Way-hay! Now, then. Now, then. Now, then. 210 00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,910 Thanks for having us. 211 00:11:16,790 --> 00:11:20,190 Come in. Make yourself at home. Right, yeah, just... Hey! 212 00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:24,190 Sorry. Do you have any chairs, or... 213 00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:26,990 Jeez, chairs! Look, I'm so used to not having any, 214 00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,270 that I didn't even notice that the... 215 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:31,310 (CLATTER) 216 00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:34,430 There you are, love. You're up the duff, aren't you? 217 00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:38,110 It's not quite the phrase I'd use, but... thanks. 218 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,950 I don't really have many visitors. 219 00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:43,790 Just thinking out loud, but do you reckon you don't have any visitors 220 00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,110 cos you don't have any chairs? 221 00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:47,950 Maybe I got rid of the chairs cos nobody came round. 222 00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:50,950 Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. (SNIFFS) 223 00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:54,510 Jeez, I forgot Mickey! (CELLOPHANE RUSTLES) 224 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,790 Mickey... Hm! 225 00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,830 Can you just excuse me a minute? 226 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,990 Actually, it would mean a lot... 227 00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,270 ..if you could all be there. 228 00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,310 ♪ THE HEAVY: Short Change Hero 229 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,110 Thanks. Thanks, guys. 230 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,150 Thanks for being here. 231 00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:32,030 Pissing on him... 232 00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,350 So long, you fucking prick! 233 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:43,990 (SNIFFS) 234 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,390 Ooh! Hello! 235 00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,670 Brew? (GROANS) 236 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,110 Sorry about the er... eclectic array of cups, 237 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,390 but there is a lot of you, in't there? 238 00:12:58,430 --> 00:13:01,830 Dude, what's all this shit in here? What do you mean? 239 00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:04,150 What do you mean? It's madness. It's madness, innit? 240 00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,790 This can't all be from rat catching, love. Well, you'd be surprised. 241 00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:11,270 But yeah, you know, once I had my er... 242 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,270 Mental breakdown? 243 00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:16,110 (TUTS) Epiphany... 244 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:18,590 (Epiphany.) 245 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:22,190 ..I couldn't bear to be parted from objects of great beauty. 246 00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:23,950 Mm, I can see that, 247 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,150 but all this shit now, dude, 248 00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:30,430 it's anxiety-inducing, the gaff. (Just so much stuff, Erin. It's unnatural.) 249 00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:33,030 I'm riddled with anxiety. I've been here ten minutes. 250 00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,070 I can't imagine how you feel! 251 00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:37,870 There you go. What can I say, brother? 252 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:41,390 Tidying just isn't my thing. Mm. 253 00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,350 I've thought about getting someone in once, 254 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,830 but they just want money. Unbelievable, eh? Some people! 255 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:52,510 Well, we can... we can clean the house, can't we? 256 00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:55,310 Yeah, yeah. Let us help you out, get rid of all this mess. 257 00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:57,590 I suppose a spring clean might be good idea, 258 00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:01,590 although a lot of this stuff is very precious to me! 259 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:05,030 Valuable. 260 00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:07,550 I've got some unopened nappies somewhere in the house. 261 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:10,270 You can have them as payment. Aww, thank you. 262 00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:12,070 Well, that sorts that right out, 263 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,630 don't it? 'Ey, listen, 264 00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,510 I want you up at Jim's farm tomorrow morning, 9am. 265 00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:20,230 Three, two, one. 266 00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:22,550 He's two fucking hours late, Vin! 267 00:14:22,590 --> 00:14:27,230 For the love of Christ! Listen, Rentokil give you an 'alf-day window, didn't they? 268 00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:29,630 So you're still up on the fucking deal. Stop whining! 269 00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,430 (GRUMBLES) Here he is, look. 270 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,590 Finally! 271 00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,790 Morning. 272 00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:39,110 Oh, here he is. 273 00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:41,150 Efficient, I see (!) 274 00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,670 The right fucking season, at least (!)I overslept. 275 00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,350 It's a good job you've been "paid" already, 276 00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,790 because I'd be docking your wages now. 277 00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:52,630 I don't like your harsh attitude, brother. 278 00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:56,550 I'll come back when you're full of peace and love. You'll have a long fucking wait, pal! 279 00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:59,230 Hang on a minute! I'm sorry about him. Just listen! 280 00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:02,710 He's always been this way and he has got a load of rats 281 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,990 shagging the life out of his loft, so we need it sorting. 282 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,790 Council's pecking his head now, aren't they? 283 00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,510 So be fucking nice. 284 00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:14,070 Pretty please. 285 00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,190 Hmm... 286 00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:17,230 You prick. Pillock! 287 00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:21,430 So what's the sleeping bag for - dead rat overflow (?) 288 00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,950 I like to nest in with them, you know, till t'job's done. 289 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,750 And Mrs Ratcatcher's happy with that, is she? 290 00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,870 Mrs? No. 291 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,910 I'm young, free and single, brother. 292 00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,390 It's not gonna be a problem, me staying, is it, Vin? 293 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,590 Cos I think, you know, it's best I'm out the way 294 00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:37,630 while the girls clear the house and you know... 295 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,990 it's gonna be tough for me watching my life's work disappear in the back of a van. 296 00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:43,790 Absolutely. I get it, man. I get it. 297 00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:47,230 (POINTEDLY) It is no fucking problem whatsoever, is it? 298 00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:50,150 (Gobshite...) Join the club! 299 00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,670 Why not? 300 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:54,270 There's more knob ends slept in that attic recently 301 00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,350 than the fucking Hilton (!) 302 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,310 What do you want? Fucking room service (?) 303 00:15:58,350 --> 00:16:00,350 That'd be lovely. 304 00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:04,230 SUGAR: Oh, Jesus Christ! 305 00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:07,430 We'd better start. (COUGHING) Eurgh! Bleurgh! 306 00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:10,430 Whoa... Ah, maybe we just forget about the ring. 307 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,670 It's not as if my gran was that happily married. 308 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,590 No way! No! Are you up for this, you? 309 00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,790 Anything to take my mind off JJ. 310 00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,950 Anyway, I'll need them gross nappies that Curtis mentioned, 311 00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:22,430 if I'm gonna be a single mum. 312 00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:27,030 Listen, you are gonna be everything what that baby needs, all right? 313 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,310 Anyway, you're not single - 314 00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:33,310 you can stay at my house for as long as you like.Mm. Right... 315 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:37,070 Where do we start? Cousin Fergal will be over later in his dead-nan van 316 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:39,670 and he will rid this place in no time 317 00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:41,350 and he will give us £200 for the pleasure. 318 00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:44,110 All we have to do is find that fecking ring. 319 00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:47,230 No! Hey! Do I look like fucking Basil Fawlty? 320 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:49,830 It's in preparation. Preparation. Preparation. 321 00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:52,830 Is this a fucking bed and breakfast? Stop pestering me, will you? 322 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,550 Even the bloke with the terriers 323 00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:57,430 said he could get the job done in two days! 324 00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,390 Still getting on, then (?) 'Ere, lazy prick. 325 00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:02,191 I'm not fucking doing that shit for you again. Don't get used to that! 326 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:06,150 Mate, I wasn't gonna leave this tosser in my house by himself, Vin. 327 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:09,910 In fact, I've changed my mind on those rats. 328 00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,750 Lets just nuke the fucking lot of 'em! 329 00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:13,950 OI! 330 00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,590 Stop shouting, all right? 331 00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:18,670 What is your fucking beef with him? He's a sweetheart. 332 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,590 He don't even wear tops, Vin... 333 00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:23,190 and that's a black-belt wanker move. 334 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:26,030 I need to give the rats full access to my pheromones.Right. 335 00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:27,350 He wants to be up there a week. 336 00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:31,350 A whole fucking week! He just don't respect my methods, brother. 337 00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:34,590 I heard him in the attic reciting poetry to 'em! 338 00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:36,910 Rats are highly intelligent mammals. 339 00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,190 Rats are cunts! 340 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:40,870 You've gotta gain their trust, you see. 341 00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,030 Gain their trust, then... bam! 342 00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:47,070 What do you mean? You just twat 'em with a stick? Pretty much. Fuck me! 343 00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:49,230 How do you think I maintain 12% body fat? 344 00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:51,710 Well, it's... it's twatting rats to death, in it? 345 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,870 I'm the Rat Master. 346 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:56,870 You need to trust what I'm doing, 347 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,950 trust my methods. 348 00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:03,630 I actually invite them to leave first, "mano a rato". 349 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,670 Then, if they don't... 350 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,270 (SIGHS) 351 00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,310 ♪ WET LEG: Chaise Longue 352 00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:15,030 Aargh... Aaargh! 353 00:18:15,070 --> 00:18:17,070 (CACKLES) Oh, put them down! 354 00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,630 Ooh! 355 00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:29,670 Oh, heck... 356 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:31,390 ♪ On the chaise longue 357 00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,470 ♪ On the chaise longue On the chaise longue 358 00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:35,350 ♪ All day long On the chaise longue 359 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:38,070 ♪ On the chaise longue On the chaise longue 360 00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:39,270 ♪ On the chaise longue 361 00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,830 ♪ All day long On the chaise longue 362 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,070 ♪ On the chaise longue 363 00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:45,270 ♪ On the chaise longue On the chaise longue 364 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,590 ♪ All day long On the chaise longue 365 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:48,990 ♪ On the chaise longue 366 00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:51,230 ♪ On the chaise longue On the chaise longue 367 00:18:51,270 --> 00:18:53,510 ♪ All day long On the chaise longue (THEY SCREAM) 368 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,830 ♪ All day long All day long on the chaise longue 369 00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:58,270 We're never gonna get that smell out of our nostrils. 370 00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:01,470 ♪ All day long On the chaise longue ♪ 371 00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:04,350 I am in so much pain. My neck... 372 00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:07,390 All right, tell Fergal it's the recycling next... 373 00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:10,990 and then this is the stuff that wants fixing... 374 00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:14,470 and then this stuff is good for resale, yeah? 375 00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:17,510 We've not even a third way through the house yet, are we? 376 00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:20,470 You know, let's just call them dickheads so they can help. 377 00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:22,030 Yeah. Yeah? 378 00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:24,470 Yeah, we need help. We need help. 379 00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,030 Eight hours' manual labour 380 00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:30,710 and all we've got to show for it is some old boxes of cassettes 381 00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,550 and this lot, which I can only assume 382 00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:34,750 is an old bit of acid. (CAROL CHUCKLES) 383 00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:37,710 You have that. No, no, no. I'm on the straight and narrow, mate. 384 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,070 Fucking hell! 385 00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,790 Let's look at that. 386 00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,910 Red Balloons. Huh? 99 Red Balloons. 387 00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,510 It's fucking legendary, that stuff. Jesus Christ! 388 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:48,430 All right. Straight and narrow. All I'm saying is... 389 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,350 I'm not gonna take it, am I? It's just.... 390 00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:53,910 It's a collector's item. It's vintage, yeah. 391 00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:57,030 Hang on... Cardi, you angel, did you find it? 392 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,670 No, but... what's this? 393 00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:04,510 Oh, that IS vintage! Oh... 394 00:20:06,190 --> 00:20:08,190 It looks pagan. 395 00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:09,630 Oh, what's it made of? 396 00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:11,350 That doesn't feel like paper, that. 397 00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:15,510 One way to find out. 398 00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:17,710 Aaaargh! (SCREAMS) What, what? 399 00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,470 It's a... (CLEARS THROAT) ..a "mammary papilla". 400 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:24,030 ALL: What? It's a nipple! It's a fucking nipple. 401 00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:27,030 Is it the first dead nipple you've had in your mouth?(LAUGHS) 402 00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:29,350 It's some sort of animal skin with tattoos. 403 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,390 Oh, my God, it's human. BOTH: Waaaa! 404 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:35,710 (BOTH SHRIEK) I can still fucking taste it! I can taste it in my mouth! 405 00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:38,750 PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, TOMMO! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 406 00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:41,190 Very nice, yes. Well done. (CLEARS THROAT) 407 00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,510 You, you - follow me. 408 00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:47,790 Where? The one place where I've seen this symbol before. 409 00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:54,510 Closed, my arse (!) 410 00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:57,350 WOMAN: I'm closed! See what I mean? Unnecessary, that. 411 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,630 (WIND CHIMES TINKLE / DREAMLIKE MUSIC PLAYS) 412 00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,070 (CLEARS THROAT) I said I'm closed! 413 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,910 I'm closed! 414 00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:07,470 Right, yes, well, er... it is quite important, so... 415 00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:09,670 And I'm talking to dead people. Ooh! 416 00:21:09,710 --> 00:21:12,350 Anyway... (CLEARS THROAT) ..do you know what this is? 417 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,790 Rings a bell. 418 00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:22,190 It's an occult symbol I had drawn on the wall to jazz the place up a bit. 419 00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:26,870 No idea how it got on your map, however. Hmm... 420 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:29,070 Map? However, interesting. 421 00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:32,230 Vellum. Mm-hm. 422 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,910 Human. Oh? Oh? Yeah... 423 00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,310 Give you twenty quid for it. Great. 424 00:21:40,350 --> 00:21:42,550 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey, Ashley... No. 425 00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:45,990 Let's get out of here. £30. 426 00:21:46,030 --> 00:21:48,110 Woo! 'Ey, sticky fingers! 427 00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:51,870 Huh! 428 00:21:52,990 --> 00:21:54,990 (DREAMLIKE MUSIC CONTINUES / CLOCK TICKING) 429 00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:58,150 Mmm... ♪ (HUMS) 430 00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:06,750 OK. Yeah, I'll ask him. 431 00:22:09,990 --> 00:22:12,110 £100. 432 00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:14,990 The spirits are very keen for me to have it. Tommo? 433 00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:17,430 Yeah, but crucially, what you're saying is, 434 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,870 you're not gonna give us any information?(SNIFFS)Right. 435 00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:22,110 Very good, lads. Onwards. 436 00:22:22,150 --> 00:22:24,990 It's cursed! The map is cursed! 437 00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:28,790 (MAKES WHOOSHING NOISES) 438 00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:31,910 I curse it - and I curse you, too, you little wanker. 439 00:22:34,070 --> 00:22:37,070 Yeah, when you're 5'5" and you hang around with these cunts, 440 00:22:37,110 --> 00:22:40,270 you're pretty much cursed as it is, so I'll take my chances. 441 00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:47,310 Erm, please, please can I buy some crystals while I'm here? Sure. 442 00:22:47,350 --> 00:22:49,110 Yes! 443 00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,230 (SIGHS) 444 00:22:59,830 --> 00:23:02,030 (SHOP BELL DINGS) Why didn't we take the hundred quid? 445 00:23:02,070 --> 00:23:06,190 That's more than anyone else will pay for a soggy old bit of skin we found in Plum's gaff. 446 00:23:06,230 --> 00:23:08,510 Because, Ashley, you saw the look on the woman's face. 447 00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:10,350 Whatever this map leads to 448 00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,670 is clearly worth more than whatever she was offering. 449 00:23:12,710 --> 00:23:14,870 You mean like a treasure? No, not fucking... 450 00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:17,270 Well, yeah, treasure! (CHUCKLES) Treasure! 451 00:23:17,310 --> 00:23:19,310 (HYPNOTIC TICKING) 452 00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:31,630 This is weird, right? 453 00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:33,230 I just hate my fucking hands! 454 00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:36,150 They... they... they're odd to me. 455 00:23:37,670 --> 00:23:40,390 My fucking face is the same. I'll look in the mirror. 456 00:23:40,430 --> 00:23:45,070 Every now and then, it... it feels like... it's not my face. 457 00:23:46,270 --> 00:23:47,950 Like it doesn't belong to me. 458 00:23:49,030 --> 00:23:51,350 I mean, I could just be a bloody narcissist. 459 00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:57,550 You know... thinks he's fucking ugly, or summat of that kind, 460 00:23:57,590 --> 00:23:59,590 you know. Hmm... 461 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:04,070 Well, we're all narcissists to some degree, Vinnie. 462 00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:06,110 Hmm... (CHUCKLES) 463 00:24:08,310 --> 00:24:10,310 We used to have this... 464 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,870 ..fancy-dress thing once a year at school. 465 00:24:17,190 --> 00:24:19,750 'Because Dad was always drunk, it was, like, last minute. 466 00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:23,030 Everything was last minute, so we'd have to pull together 467 00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:25,870 some sort of a fucking outfit from around the house... 468 00:24:26,830 --> 00:24:31,110 ..so I remember once, I wore a snorkel with the bloody goggles... 469 00:24:32,190 --> 00:24:34,070 ..and them fucking flipper things. 470 00:24:34,110 --> 00:24:35,710 When we got to school, 471 00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:39,070 my dad sort of announced me as fucking Snorkel Boy, 472 00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,430 or some shit like that. He found it hilarious... 473 00:24:41,470 --> 00:24:44,230 but I suddenly got really fucking embarrassed. 474 00:24:44,270 --> 00:24:46,630 No-one laughed at it. 475 00:24:46,670 --> 00:24:48,870 They just... 476 00:24:48,910 --> 00:24:50,910 stared.' 477 00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:52,950 (INHALES AND EXHALES) 478 00:24:54,230 --> 00:24:56,470 (DREAMLIKE MUSIC) 479 00:24:56,510 --> 00:24:59,430 Oh, that must have been hard. 480 00:24:59,470 --> 00:25:02,110 Do you remember how it affected that little boy? 481 00:25:03,230 --> 00:25:07,790 I wanted to get away from it all, wanted to disappear, 482 00:25:07,830 --> 00:25:09,830 become invisible. 483 00:25:11,190 --> 00:25:14,070 Invisible? Mm. Why? 484 00:25:15,110 --> 00:25:20,150 Just how much of a fucking ugly little weirdo must I be 485 00:25:20,190 --> 00:25:22,270 to be stared at like that, 486 00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:24,870 by the teachers and by the kids... 487 00:25:26,830 --> 00:25:29,470 Do you think that's why you constantly change your appearance? 488 00:25:31,550 --> 00:25:34,030 You know, the tattoos and stuff... 489 00:25:35,830 --> 00:25:38,750 Rather than to be noticed, you become unrecognisable 490 00:25:38,790 --> 00:25:41,670 and therefore invisible? 491 00:25:41,710 --> 00:25:43,750 Maybe, actually, yeah. 492 00:25:43,790 --> 00:25:45,310 I just... I don't... 493 00:25:46,830 --> 00:25:50,150 ..feel like it's bloody vanity, do you know what I mean? 494 00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:53,070 I've just... I've never liked the way I looked - never. 495 00:25:54,150 --> 00:25:56,670 (ALARM CHIMES) Bloody hell! 496 00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:59,270 Sometimes, when that goes off, I'm furious 497 00:25:59,310 --> 00:26:01,550 and the rest of the fucking time I'm just relieved. 498 00:26:02,910 --> 00:26:04,030 Homework. 499 00:26:04,070 --> 00:26:08,750 "I must not call myself an ugly cunt," 500 00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:11,310 and I have to write it down a hundred times - is that it? 501 00:26:11,350 --> 00:26:16,190 No, I want you to be more aware of other people's feelings. 502 00:26:16,230 --> 00:26:18,150 Seek first to understand, 503 00:26:18,190 --> 00:26:20,910 then be understood. 504 00:26:20,950 --> 00:26:23,430 Hmm. 505 00:26:23,470 --> 00:26:26,590 It didn't work, by the way. What's that? 506 00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:30,190 You're not invisible. I can see you. 507 00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:32,670 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 508 00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:36,190 All these are from my loft? Yeah. 509 00:26:36,230 --> 00:26:37,910 (CHUCKLES) 510 00:26:37,950 --> 00:26:40,470 Good job you don't charge by the kilo (!) 511 00:26:40,510 --> 00:26:42,510 What did I tell you, Jim? 512 00:26:43,550 --> 00:26:46,150 Trust me. Trust you? 513 00:26:46,190 --> 00:26:49,790 I know your type: ex-pretty boy, 514 00:26:49,830 --> 00:26:52,510 never done an 'ard day's work in your life! 515 00:26:52,550 --> 00:26:56,510 Spraying it about all around town, 516 00:26:56,550 --> 00:26:58,590 but can't turn your hand to anything manual. 517 00:26:58,630 --> 00:27:00,230 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 518 00:27:00,270 --> 00:27:02,750 One, I'm highly trained. I'm the best. 519 00:27:02,790 --> 00:27:05,070 Then why haven't you finished the fucking job yet? 520 00:27:05,110 --> 00:27:10,430 Two, I don't go fucking "spraying it around town".(SCOFFS) 521 00:27:11,470 --> 00:27:12,590 Not any more, anyway. 522 00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:18,230 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) Not since er... Gina. 523 00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:21,790 (SHEEP BLEAT IN DISTANCE) Is that the ex who battered the lads? 524 00:27:25,030 --> 00:27:26,310 Fantastic woman, Jim. 525 00:27:27,630 --> 00:27:29,870 Sounds like a total fucking nightmare. 526 00:27:32,390 --> 00:27:34,390 Spirited... 527 00:27:36,910 --> 00:27:38,750 Strong thighs... 528 00:27:41,350 --> 00:27:43,950 Hey... 529 00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:49,550 We've all had women who make us cry. 530 00:27:49,590 --> 00:27:52,270 (THROUGH TEARS) Yeah. 531 00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:57,190 Whether they break our hearts or run off... 532 00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:03,510 ..with our new and very fucking expensive milking equipment. 533 00:28:04,990 --> 00:28:10,150 (SNIFFLES)Just... make sure you're finished by tonight. 534 00:28:12,830 --> 00:28:16,110 When you said Tommo sounded weird on the phone... I don't know. 535 00:28:16,150 --> 00:28:17,550 Well, what did he say? 536 00:28:17,590 --> 00:28:20,350 He said he was at "The Lady" pub - where the map leads, apparently. 537 00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:23,950 (GRUNTS) 538 00:28:23,990 --> 00:28:27,070 Found any treasure yet, Tom? Treasure? 539 00:28:28,590 --> 00:28:31,630 (LAUGHS HEARTILY, THEN COUGHS) No, no, no. 540 00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:34,110 I'm looking for bones. 541 00:28:34,150 --> 00:28:36,030 Yeah, she's er... 542 00:28:36,070 --> 00:28:39,630 helped me realise what's going on. Obvious, when you think about it! 543 00:28:39,670 --> 00:28:41,110 The garden of The Lady... 544 00:28:41,150 --> 00:28:44,230 is bones. Sorry, who's this - Clara Marie? 545 00:28:44,270 --> 00:28:47,670 No, you fucking idiot - the fucking ghost lady from the Rat and Cutter! 546 00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:49,230 She hmm... 547 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,550 Oh! Gotta fill you, hadn't I? 548 00:28:52,430 --> 00:28:54,750 I've had... a vision. 549 00:28:58,470 --> 00:29:01,910 (SILKY, SING-SONG VOICE) Help me, Tommo... 550 00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,870 Find me, Tommo... 551 00:29:07,310 --> 00:29:08,910 (BLOODCURDLING SCREAM) 552 00:29:08,950 --> 00:29:13,550 She wants me to put her flesh and her bones back together. 553 00:29:13,590 --> 00:29:18,550 This was a dream? More of a sort of waking nightmare sort of situation, yeah. 554 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:22,350 Tommo, sorry, you haven't had any of that old acid, by any chance? 555 00:29:22,390 --> 00:29:25,390 I did, because it were vintage, right? 556 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:29,190 But you promised Hans you wouldn't. How about we don't tell Hans that I've had it, then? 557 00:29:29,230 --> 00:29:32,630 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Go on, then, how was it? 558 00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:37,710 It was... piquant, yet... intense. 559 00:29:37,750 --> 00:29:38,910 Yeah. 560 00:29:38,950 --> 00:29:41,030 Anyway, she wants me to get her bones back, 561 00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:43,390 otherwise she's gonna have to come and kill us all, so... 562 00:29:44,390 --> 00:29:46,430 ..better get on with it! 563 00:29:46,470 --> 00:29:48,790 Bones? Bones! 564 00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,830 (INTREPID MUSIC) 565 00:29:52,390 --> 00:29:54,430 (GRUNTS) (SQUEAK) 566 00:29:57,190 --> 00:29:58,630 (SQUEAK) 567 00:30:02,310 --> 00:30:03,750 (GENTLE MUSIC) 568 00:30:03,790 --> 00:30:06,070 Aww... 569 00:30:08,470 --> 00:30:10,870 (Shit. Oh, fuck it...) 570 00:30:15,510 --> 00:30:18,030 Vincent? All right, Davey? 571 00:30:18,070 --> 00:30:20,750 I've been better. Hmm. 572 00:30:20,790 --> 00:30:22,830 All right. (CLEARS THROAT) 573 00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:27,190 Never did get to thank you properly for the funeral. 574 00:30:28,150 --> 00:30:32,630 It was really very lovely... till it all went tits up. 575 00:30:32,670 --> 00:30:34,630 Ah, it was my pleasure man. Honestly. 576 00:30:34,670 --> 00:30:36,670 I mean, it wasn't a fucking pleasure, was it? 577 00:30:36,710 --> 00:30:39,390 It was a shagging nightmare, but you know what I mean. 578 00:30:39,430 --> 00:30:41,350 It's fine. I'm glad I could help. 579 00:30:41,390 --> 00:30:44,670 Just a shame our Barry didn't get to see for himself just how loved he was. 580 00:30:44,710 --> 00:30:46,150 Fucking did get to see, though. 581 00:30:46,190 --> 00:30:48,870 That fucking lunatic! Jesus Christ. 582 00:30:51,990 --> 00:30:55,110 I still can't believe he's gone. Mm. 583 00:30:55,150 --> 00:30:57,510 Miss him terribly. 584 00:30:57,550 --> 00:30:59,870 I fucking bet you do. I bet you do. 585 00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:01,950 Look, you're not on your own, man. 586 00:31:01,990 --> 00:31:04,750 You know, you've got your sister Donna. Donna's a cunt. 587 00:31:04,790 --> 00:31:07,430 Right. Right, then. 588 00:31:08,430 --> 00:31:10,430 I mean, that's fucking news to me, dude. 589 00:31:10,470 --> 00:31:12,550 Do not fuck with her, Vincent. 590 00:31:13,430 --> 00:31:15,030 I'm telling you this as a friend. 591 00:31:18,910 --> 00:31:21,430 I'm glad I could help you with your brother's funeral, 592 00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:25,110 but you're not a friend. I can't trust you after that Dylan fiasco. 593 00:31:26,390 --> 00:31:29,750 What makes you so sure that I had anything to do with Dylan going missing? 594 00:31:29,790 --> 00:31:31,750 I was extremely fond of Dylan. 595 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:34,110 Manolito has told me... 596 00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:36,950 that he rescued him from the back of that fucking car boot! 597 00:31:36,990 --> 00:31:39,150 And you believe him? Yes! 598 00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:42,590 (TUTTING) How very naive of you, Vincent. 599 00:31:42,630 --> 00:31:45,470 I've had a fucking text from Dylan himself! 600 00:31:45,510 --> 00:31:47,870 I fucking know it was you, Davey. 601 00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,910 (CAR HORN HONKS) 602 00:31:52,190 --> 00:31:54,310 Do not fuck with her. 603 00:32:00,190 --> 00:32:02,510 Fucking... Fuck's sake... 604 00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:04,190 (OMINOUS MUSIC) 605 00:32:04,230 --> 00:32:06,750 I hope you were trying to make him see sense 606 00:32:06,790 --> 00:32:09,310 and not just poncing about. 607 00:32:09,350 --> 00:32:11,590 Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey. 608 00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:15,070 What the fuck does that mean? 609 00:32:15,110 --> 00:32:18,350 I've got some intel... about the pretty one. 610 00:32:27,150 --> 00:32:29,270 Still fucking here? 611 00:32:29,310 --> 00:32:33,510 Heartbroken or not, I've fucking had enough of this! 612 00:32:33,550 --> 00:32:35,550 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) 613 00:32:40,070 --> 00:32:42,190 Oh, yeah? 614 00:32:42,230 --> 00:32:44,110 Oh, fuck... 615 00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,190 If you got rid of them all, 616 00:32:46,230 --> 00:32:48,390 why are you still in my fucking loft? 617 00:32:48,430 --> 00:32:51,710 I like it up here. It stinks of rat piss! 618 00:32:51,750 --> 00:32:53,550 You lot, you've... you've been so good to me. 619 00:32:53,590 --> 00:32:57,230 You know, cleaning my house, and that, you know, and... 620 00:32:57,270 --> 00:33:00,910 and our little chats. You mean me shouting at you? 621 00:33:00,950 --> 00:33:04,150 It's been a long time since I've had this kind of connection with someone. 622 00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:06,790 Hey, we do not have a connection! 623 00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:08,470 And you know, my house, it's just.. 624 00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:10,830 It's too much, innit? 625 00:33:10,870 --> 00:33:14,110 You know, it's noisy and it's chaotic and... 626 00:33:15,350 --> 00:33:18,030 Well, up here in your little attic, I've... 627 00:33:19,110 --> 00:33:21,070 ..I've found peace. 628 00:33:21,110 --> 00:33:23,270 I'm not ready to let it go just yet. 629 00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:27,310 She really did a number on you, didn't she? 630 00:33:29,830 --> 00:33:33,550 Hey, peace is up here. 631 00:33:34,950 --> 00:33:39,670 What you need is some closure. Mm... Maybe... 632 00:33:40,870 --> 00:33:42,670 ..post a turd through her letterbox 633 00:33:42,710 --> 00:33:45,190 and tell her how much of a whore she was for ruining your life! 634 00:33:45,230 --> 00:33:48,350 I always hope one day that I'll, you know, win her back. 635 00:33:49,630 --> 00:33:53,190 Maybe not the turd thing then, 'ey? I never stopped loving her, Jim. 636 00:33:54,510 --> 00:33:57,430 It's her face I see in every single rat that I kill. 637 00:33:57,470 --> 00:34:00,630 Don't tell her that, either. 638 00:34:00,670 --> 00:34:06,070 (No.)Hey, the girls have probably cleared your house by now. 639 00:34:06,110 --> 00:34:08,510 Yeah. You should go home. 640 00:34:08,550 --> 00:34:11,790 Aye. Have a shower... 641 00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:15,950 ..and put a fucking shirt on... 642 00:34:17,070 --> 00:34:19,270 ..and see how you feel. 643 00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:22,750 Come here. 644 00:34:23,710 --> 00:34:25,390 ♪ T REX: Cosmic Dancer 645 00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:27,190 ♪ I was dancing when I was 12 646 00:34:27,230 --> 00:34:28,750 BFF, bro. 647 00:34:28,790 --> 00:34:30,910 BFF. 648 00:34:30,950 --> 00:34:33,830 ♪ I was dancing when I was 12 ♪ 649 00:34:33,870 --> 00:34:37,550 Ha, ha! I knew it. I fucking knew it! 650 00:34:37,590 --> 00:34:40,110 Bones! CLARA MARIE: You know nothing, you fucking idiot. 651 00:34:41,110 --> 00:34:43,230 What's she doing here? We asked her to come. 652 00:34:43,270 --> 00:34:45,350 She's got something to tell you about the map. 653 00:34:45,390 --> 00:34:47,430 Whatever you think is going on, it isn't. 654 00:34:48,430 --> 00:34:50,190 What I think is going on is, 655 00:34:50,230 --> 00:34:52,870 I need to reunite this bit of flesh with these bones, 656 00:34:52,910 --> 00:34:56,150 so the poor lost soul they belonged to won't wreak revenge from beyond the grave. 657 00:34:56,190 --> 00:34:57,270 Obvious, in't it? 658 00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:02,790 Well, if not, why have I found a load of bones here, then? 659 00:35:02,830 --> 00:35:06,030 It's a pub garden - probably chicken bones from a barbecue. 660 00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:08,470 No, no, no, no, no. That could be her foot bone, mate! 661 00:35:08,510 --> 00:35:10,990 Ha, ha, ha! I'm doing it. I'm doing it. 662 00:35:11,030 --> 00:35:14,470 No, no, no! Stop burying my map. Stop it! What do you mean, "your map"? 663 00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:17,750 My map. Moira Plum was my lover. 664 00:35:17,790 --> 00:35:20,550 Moira? What, the Rat Catcher's auntie? 665 00:35:20,590 --> 00:35:23,350 (TOMMO PROTESTING)Why was she drawing nipples on maps for you? 666 00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:25,790 She was my lover and my teacher. 667 00:35:25,830 --> 00:35:26,910 We've all been there. 668 00:35:26,950 --> 00:35:30,590 I used to have a fella came round and teach me maths - Mr Mackintosh. 669 00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:33,790 He taught me a fair few more things than maths, I tell you that much! 670 00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:35,910 No, not a schoolteacher! 671 00:35:35,950 --> 00:35:38,870 She was a clairvoyant - my mentor. 672 00:35:38,910 --> 00:35:40,150 That map was a gift for me... 673 00:35:41,430 --> 00:35:44,030 ..but we had a huge row and never spoke again so... (CHUCKLES) 674 00:35:44,070 --> 00:35:48,150 Hang on. So your clairvoyant ex-lover... 675 00:35:48,190 --> 00:35:50,190 drew you a map on human skin? 676 00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:54,150 Yeah, we were always doing fun stuff like that. 677 00:35:54,190 --> 00:35:56,830 It's esoteric, innit? I mean, it also a bit weird. 678 00:35:56,870 --> 00:35:59,430 Parking all that, where's the treasure? Treasure? 679 00:35:59,470 --> 00:36:01,550 "X marks the spot"? Coins, and all that? 680 00:36:01,590 --> 00:36:02,710 No, that's not treasure! 681 00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,390 The "X" marks Moira's favourite erogenous zone on my body. 682 00:36:08,510 --> 00:36:10,870 You know, just inside the "lady garden". (GIGGLES) 683 00:36:12,830 --> 00:36:16,550 Yeah, so the treasure she wanted me to find was my own... 684 00:36:16,590 --> 00:36:19,350 you know... No, I don't know. 685 00:36:19,390 --> 00:36:22,070 She means her G-spot, Cardi! Oh. 686 00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:26,550 Give her that. Give me it. 687 00:36:26,590 --> 00:36:28,710 I tell you what, Ashley, Cardi... 688 00:36:29,670 --> 00:36:32,150 I'm just gonna say this and I'm gonna say it out loud, right? 689 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,230 If I go and do any drugs again, just stop me. 690 00:36:34,270 --> 00:36:35,550 Just fucking stop me. 691 00:36:35,590 --> 00:36:38,990 (CAR DOOR OPENS) Right. (SIGHS) 692 00:36:43,270 --> 00:36:44,390 Thank you, Jim. 693 00:36:45,350 --> 00:36:48,270 Don't you fucking dare tell them that I was nice to you. 694 00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:53,510 Now fuck off! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 695 00:36:53,550 --> 00:36:55,310 (ENGINE STARTS UP) 696 00:36:59,670 --> 00:37:01,670 Sorry we didn't find the ring, Carol. 697 00:37:01,710 --> 00:37:03,790 Ah, do you know what, Erin? Doesn't matter. 698 00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:06,630 She would have been very proud of us now, with this deep clean. Yeah! 699 00:37:06,670 --> 00:37:09,430 (FRONT DOOR OPENS) Shit... There he is. 700 00:37:09,470 --> 00:37:11,550 (Come, come, come. Quick, quick, quick!) 701 00:37:11,590 --> 00:37:13,830 Good deeds are repaid.Hmm... Here we go. 702 00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,790 ALL: ♪ Ta-daa! ♪ 703 00:37:16,830 --> 00:37:18,790 (THEY GIGGLE) What the fuck! 704 00:37:19,950 --> 00:37:22,950 Oh, my God! 705 00:37:24,590 --> 00:37:26,990 Sweet Auntie Moira. 706 00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:29,230 It's amazing. 707 00:37:30,950 --> 00:37:33,910 (SNIFFS) 708 00:37:33,950 --> 00:37:36,990 What's that smell? Citrus detergent.Fresh. 709 00:37:37,030 --> 00:37:39,350 The smell of clean, innit? ALL: Mm-hm. 710 00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:40,950 Bloody hell, I could get used to this. 711 00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:44,110 (ALL CHUCKLE) How can I ever repay you? Ah, don't worry about it. 712 00:37:44,150 --> 00:37:47,830 And after finding this box of cock rings, we're sorted. 713 00:37:47,870 --> 00:37:50,550 I'm happy. I were looking everywhere for them the other day. 714 00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:53,430 'Ere... 715 00:37:54,670 --> 00:37:57,230 A fan sent me this years ago with a letter. 716 00:37:58,110 --> 00:38:00,070 It meant a lot at the time. 717 00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:01,310 (Bloody hell...) 718 00:38:04,150 --> 00:38:06,630 You have it... as a "thank you". 719 00:38:08,190 --> 00:38:09,910 (SOFTLY) Thank you. Thanks very much. 720 00:38:11,110 --> 00:38:13,790 (Oh, my God, it's my granny's ring!) I know it is. 721 00:38:13,830 --> 00:38:16,150 It's been on his hand the whole fucking time! 722 00:38:16,190 --> 00:38:18,630 Oh, pardon fucking me for not inspecting the man's hands! 723 00:38:18,670 --> 00:38:21,750 For fuck's sake, Carol. Oh, shut up, the pair of you. Ladies? Ladies... 724 00:38:23,350 --> 00:38:25,230 Can we have a group hug? 725 00:38:25,270 --> 00:38:27,430 OK.... 726 00:38:29,470 --> 00:38:31,990 Oh... Is that rat piss? Yeah. 727 00:38:32,030 --> 00:38:34,830 Mmm, it's nice. Just breathe in. 728 00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:36,710 (THEY INHALE, THEN COUGH) Bugger... 729 00:38:39,670 --> 00:38:41,750 Thank the girls for me again, will you? 730 00:38:43,390 --> 00:38:45,630 They didn't just clear my house, they cleared my head. 731 00:38:45,670 --> 00:38:48,270 Mm! 732 00:38:48,310 --> 00:38:52,830 A wise man once said that peace is up there, man. 733 00:38:52,870 --> 00:38:54,950 Yeah, well, he's fucking right. 734 00:38:55,830 --> 00:38:58,830 I think it also involves not having a shitload of crap in your house 735 00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,150 driving you insane, do you know what I mean? Mm. 736 00:39:01,950 --> 00:39:04,510 Good lad. One love, bruv. 737 00:39:06,590 --> 00:39:08,790 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey. Listen. 738 00:39:11,430 --> 00:39:14,230 I'm gonna be thinking about you. 739 00:39:14,270 --> 00:39:16,510 Go on, get gone. 740 00:39:18,030 --> 00:39:20,030 ♪ JEFF BUCKLEY: Lover, You Should've Come Over 741 00:39:22,270 --> 00:39:24,190 Fucking handsome! 742 00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:29,150 (CLEARS THROAT) 743 00:39:30,030 --> 00:39:32,150 ♪ Looking out the door 744 00:39:32,190 --> 00:39:34,190 ♪ I see the rain 745 00:39:34,230 --> 00:39:38,230 ♪ Fall upon the funeral mourners 746 00:39:38,270 --> 00:39:40,270 Curtis Plum. 747 00:39:41,350 --> 00:39:44,990 I'm sorry, Gina... for everything. 748 00:39:51,790 --> 00:39:53,430 They're real. 749 00:39:55,430 --> 00:39:58,070 ♪ Maybe I'm too young 750 00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:03,430 ♪ To keep good love from going wrong Wait. 751 00:40:03,470 --> 00:40:04,830 Curtis... 752 00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:07,950 ♪ Too deaf, dumb and blind to see 753 00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:10,390 ♪ The damage I've done (MOANS PLEASURABLY) Oh, God! 754 00:40:10,430 --> 00:40:13,310 ♪ Sweet lover 755 00:40:13,350 --> 00:40:15,030 Oh, fuckin' hell. Fuck me... 756 00:40:15,070 --> 00:40:19,750 Oh! What? Get in... Fuck! Get in the house! 757 00:40:19,790 --> 00:40:22,750 Christ, I wish I had a libido like that. 758 00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:25,510 ♪ Lover, lover, lover 759 00:40:25,550 --> 00:40:28,390 ♪ Lover, love, love 760 00:40:28,430 --> 00:40:31,710 ♪ Love, love, love, love, love 761 00:40:33,270 --> 00:40:38,310 ♪ Lo-o-o-o-over ♪ (TUTS) 762 00:40:39,790 --> 00:40:41,790 (RINGING TONE) 763 00:40:42,710 --> 00:40:44,910 AUTOMATED VOICE: "The person you are calling has..." 764 00:40:44,950 --> 00:40:46,990 (ENDS CALL) Fuck! 765 00:40:48,110 --> 00:40:51,110 For fuck's sake... (STARTS UP ENGINE) 766 00:40:53,390 --> 00:40:56,190 CARDI: Yoda's had her caravan nicked. Shit! 767 00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:57,830 Shocking business, this is! 768 00:40:57,870 --> 00:41:00,630 I want to offer ten grand for its return.(WHISTLES) 769 00:41:00,670 --> 00:41:03,910 He probably stashed all his fortune in it. That's what it is! 770 00:41:03,950 --> 00:41:07,310 It's definitely the McGuigans. They must've hid it up behind that hill there. 771 00:41:07,350 --> 00:41:10,150 ♪ (MERRY SINGING) WOMAN: Bastard! 772 00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:17,310 (COMMOTION) What the fuck? 773 00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,750 (GROANS) 774 00:41:18,790 --> 00:41:21,950 ♪ SIR JOE QUARTERMAN: (I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind 775 00:41:21,990 --> 00:41:24,950 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind 776 00:41:26,030 --> 00:41:29,110 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind 777 00:41:30,150 --> 00:41:33,190 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind 778 00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:37,110 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on 779 00:41:38,790 --> 00:41:41,750 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on 780 00:41:43,030 --> 00:41:45,790 ♪ Cos everything I got is just about gone ♪ 781 00:41:45,830 --> 00:41:47,830 AccessibleCustomerServices@sky.uk